Eloping : With or Without guests and family?

7 Dec

Written By Eric Rene Penoy

Eloping : just the two of you?

ELOPING WITH OR WITHOUT GUESTS AND FAMILY - TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction.
What is an Elopement? What is the meaning of it?
What happens during an elopement?
Is it cheaper to elope or to have a wedding?
Eloping : just the two of you.
Eloping with friends and family.
Don't Forget About FaceTime or Skype
Checklist of what you need to consider for your Elopement.

Eloping allows you to spend time together on your wedding day.

Eloping: with or without guests and family?

It is often assumed that eloping means excluding close family and friends, but this is not the case. You don’t have to do it completely alone, without your nearest and dearest; the whole point of an elopement is that you can craft the day exactly as you wish, not according to someone else’s agenda. So if your idea of the perfect day involves sharing it with your parents, siblings or best friends, invite them along to be part of the adventure!

You could treat your special guests to a mini holiday and get ready together in the morning. They will enjoy the atmosphere of excitement and anticipation - plus an extra pair of hands to fix that buttonhole or do up intricate buttons in is always useful!

But if the secrecy, spontaneity, and element of surprise is what most appeals to you both, just because they aren’t there in person doesn’t mean they will miss out. If you decide to elope on your own, there are lots of lovely ways to include your friends and family without them actually being there on the day.

You can celebrate with them at an engagement supper before you set off, or a host a non-traditional ‘we tied the knot!’ cocktail night later. You could ask them to go shopping with you and assist in finding your perfect elopement outfits or accessories. You could ask them to lend you a sentimental keepsake to wear on the day, such as a favourite necklace, a brooch to pin to your bouquet or a vintage pocket watch.

Another lovely idea is to invite your loved ones to write a card or letter to be opened on your wedding day. Reading these in private before the ceremony, or aloud over dinner can be poignant and moving. Or if you want to keep things totally secret until the moment you set off, why not leave a note behind for them to discover, saying how excited you are to tell them all about the story when you return.

Whenever I hear about eloping, I imagine a couple holding hands in a mountain top with a dreamy landscape on the back, an adventure. But elopements are much more than just running out to get married in secret. They can be an alternative to set your own rules, to start your life as a married couple the way you want it. Traditional weddings do not always suit the expectations of couples. In the last couple of years, celebrities had changed before they were black or white, a wedding with no guests or with hundreds of them. Nowadays, you can have it all, an intimate wedding at a paradisiac destination with just the two of you or with your closest friends and family. The sky is the limit. It is your big day. You choose how to celebrate it.

In general eloping will have big pros like spending less money and less time planning. This will lower the level of stress that a traditional wedding usually has. But there are some other details to consider when eloping, like, how close you are with your family and friends, maybe you do not want your second cousin there, but you do imagine having your sister or your mom in such a special moment. If you are hesitant about having guests or saying I do just the two of you, here are some pros and cons to help you out.

But What is exactly an Elopement ? What is the Meaning of it?

The term Elopement, colloquially speaking, is often used to refer to a marriage conducted in sudden and secretive fashion, usually involving a hurried flight away from one's place of residence together with one's beloved with the intention of getting married. To elope, most literally, means to run away and to not come back to the point of origin.
As millennials age, they are waiting longer to get married than previous generations. Further, 91% of millennials that are planning on future marriage would consider eloping, and three out of five previously married millennials would elope if they had to do it all over again. Searches for elopement photography ideas on Pinterest increased by 128 percent in 2019, with other related terms like "elopements at city halls" and "elopements in forests" also seeing increases in volume.

Some view elopement as an intentionally small and intimate wedding experience which allows more emphasis to be placed on the commitment between the couple. Eloping is an opportunity for two people to craft an authentic true-to-them experience that aligns with their ethics and supports their future goals, rather than focus on traditions they may not identify with.

Though elopements are thought of as just being the couple and officiant, modern elopements often include close family and friends. Most professionals in the elopement industry view anything under 25 attendees as an elopement.

In England, a legal prerequisite of religious marriage is the "reading of the banns"—for any three Sundays in the three months prior to the intended date of the ceremony, the names of every couple intending marriage has to be read aloud by the priest(s) of their parish(es) of residence, or the posting of a 'Notice of Intent to Marry' in the registry office for civil ceremonies. The intention of this is to prevent bigamy or other unlawful marriages by giving fair warning to anybody who might have a legal right to object. In practice, however, it also gives warning to the couples' parents, who sometimes objected on purely personal grounds. To work around this law, it is necessary to get a special licence from the Archbishop of Canterbury—or to flee somewhere the law did not apply, across the border to Gretna Green, Scotland, for instance.

For civil marriages notices must be posted for 28 clear days, at the appropriate register office.

In the Philippines, elopement is called "tanan". Tanan is a long-standing practice in Filipino culture when a woman leaves her home without her parents' permission to live a life with her partner. Usually she will elope during the nighttime hours and is awaited by her lover nearby, who then takes her away to a location not of her origin. The next morning, the distraught parents are clueless to the whereabouts of their daughter. Tanan often occurs as a result of an impending arranged marriage or in defiance to parents' dislike of a preferred suitor.

In Indonesia, an elopement is considered as "kawin lari" or in literal translation, marriage on a run ("kawin", means marriage (slang), "lari" means running/fleeing). This happens if the groom or the bride didn't get the permission to get married with each other. As Indonesia is a religiously strict country, a couple couldn't get married without parent's (or next closest living relative) consent, hence, it is rarely practiced. Thus, most Indonesian couples who engage in elopement often end up marrying without their marriage recognized/registered by the government.

For more informations please consult the Mariage Law from your country.

What happens during an elopement?

An elopement is a simple ceremony that is usually short, usually around 5 or 10 minutes long. Some countries consider an elopement as a real wedding, you would need witnesses (maybe your photographer as I have been at many occasions). This ceremony can be executed in the middle of the mountains, on the beach, in a forest, whatever you fancy. This is consider as the easiest way to celebrate your union. The ceremony script has been pre-written by your officiant and you have the option to add your own vows and/or a reading, you can also add religious aspect depending on your celebrant and desire to include specific and meaningful content. The goal is for you to create a celebration which represents you, your values, your story.

Is it cheaper to elope or have a wedding?

Elopements can cost as much or as little as you want. But most of the time, elopements often cost less money than traditional weddings. As Covid as changed little bit the mentality about it, most people want to spend the same amount of money but to have a more expensive quality elopement, maybe buy their dream dress, or travelling further, for longer or pay a better hotel, more quality food or more expensive providers. However do what feel true-to-you, no matter how much money you want to spend.

Eloping : Just the two of you.

Eloping, the two of you will be an adventure. You get to do what you want without consulting anyone but your other half. It is a great way to start your marriage because that’s what unions are about. At the end of the day, opinions from friends and family will only be that, and you will make decisions together, just the two of you. If you are a shy couple, this will also work to perfection. Not everyone wants to be the center of attention. You get to be yourself, to read your vows freely and sincerely. As a photographer, I have noticed that solo elopements are magical. They provide such unique energy and pictures. On the other hand, you will face some raising eyebrows from your relatives when you share the news. Weddings are also celebrations that bring families together, and memories from such events are priceless.

Eloping with friends and family.

Remember that eloping means whatever you want it to mean. It does not have to be the two of you only. You can include your direct families, your best friends, or whoever you want. If you are a couple that values family and traditions but wants to avoid the drama of having 200 guests, eloping with family is for you. You will have the best of both worlds. Having your family on your wedding day photos is also extra special. Some moments do not come back. Having guests will also imply a little more logistics. If you are planning on traveling, you will face some challenges in accommodating schedules and needs. More than two means more opinions regarding everything from where to eat to when to leave. So be prepared for a little drama.

Whatever you choose, make sure it is precisely what you want. Have clear what your expectations are and make the decision that you love. Your wedding day should be yours, do not make decisions to please anyone but you, and finally, enjoy the process!
The best way to celebrate it with a little crowd is to involve them into your ceremony.